I'm the only Jew that's made a nickel off of Hitler!

I only direct in self-defense.

If I got a paper cut, that's a tragedy. If you fell down an open manhole and died, that's comedy.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

When I quoted Bulwer Lytton's 'The pen is mightier than the sword' to Marty Feldman he added reflectively, 'Yes, and considerably easier to write with.'

The trouble with you, Spode, is that just because you have succeeded in inducing a handful of half-wits to disfigure the London scene by going about in black s…

Never mind his carbon footprint - have you seen the size of Al Gore's regular footprint lately? It's almost as deep as Janet Reno's