My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower, does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two two. I would say…

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said 'no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah'.

Camus said there is only really one serious philosophical question, which is whether or not to commit suicide. I think there are four or five serious philosoph…

Routine is the death to heroism.

Nonbeing must in some sense be, otherwise what is it that there is not? This tangled doctrine might be nicknamed Plato's beard; historically it has proved toug…