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Mitch Hedberg
Quote #58
I play sports...no I don't, what the fuck?
More from Mitch Hedberg
If you boat a lot you are known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't ever want to be referred to as a boating enthusia…
Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know because what if they don't have a hand? They…
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were y…
I've always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist
I saw some two-dollar bills, today. They were for sale for eight dollars. Something went severely wrong there. What happened? It spun out o…
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. 'Come on four billion! Fuck! Seven. Not even close. …
I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I…
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