Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got motherfucker! This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick something up!'

I play sports...no I don't, what the fuck?

I've always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist

If you boat a lot you are known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't ever want to be referred to as a boating enthusiast. I hope they call…

I am very shy. If I am flying British Airways and the airhostess asks me two questions, and I don't understand her accent - I will go hungry for the entire fli…

I pity bashful men, who feel the pain Of fancied scorn and undeserved disdain, And bear the marks upon a blushing face, Of needless shame, and self-impos'd dis…

When an acquaintance goes by I often step back from my window, not so much to spare him the effort of acknowledging me as to spare myself the embarrassment of …