Quote #59

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got motherfucker! This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick something up!'

More from Mitch Hedberg

  1. I play sports...no I don't, what the fuck?
  2. I've always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist
  3. If you boat a lot you are known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't ever want to be referred to as a boating enthusia…
  4. If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
  5. One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were y…
  6. I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I…
  7. I saw some two-dollar bills, today. They were for sale for eight dollars. Something went severely wrong there. What happened? It spun out o…
  8. My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches.

All Mitch Hedberg quotes