Don't ever mistake this: as much as you love that man that you're living with right now; as much as you love your boyfriend; as much as you admire the men in your life... whether you understand them or not-- and most women don't understand men, they'll tell you they do, they don't-- always remember this, that, while we all normal, healthy men would disaprove of what Gary did, crawling into an outhouse and taking pictures out through the toilet hole...... way deep down... we get it.

I don't know why I gotta apologize for the politics I do on my show, but I've got so many people that dig the comedy of the show, but they're so stupid when it…

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Two things that'll never happen in this country; two things that will never, ever, ever, ever happen in this country: Gun control and abortion being made illeg…

There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but not all of them bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.

Listen, son. Most women are damn fools and children. But they've got more range then we've got. The brave ones are braver, the good ones are better - and the v…

There are two kinds of women - goddesses and doormats.