(To caller with Southern accent) Let me ask you something, how are things up there in Cold Mountain?

All a bird does is sit in that cage and stares at itself in the mirror all day, now that's pretty egotisical.

I wonder how much of an animal lover you'd be if you had a parrot sitting at your house calling you a bulldyke.

All you need to know about America is we invented the A-Bomb, and let me tell you what, if I had a...ooooh...

They expressed, as was usual, unbounded astonishment at the globe being round, and could scarcely credit that a hole would, if deep enough, come out on the oth…

Already and old man, he [Samuel Johnson] ventured on his Highland tour; and his heart, bound with triple brass, did not recoil before twenty-seven individual c…

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.