My mother won't have sex with me.

And also our winner tonight will get an autographed copy of my autobiography, which has just been released, entitled The Joy of Gunning Down Japs on Saipan as …

Is there anything worse than a woman with a kid?

So, look. Phil, I wanted to mention to your listeners that Bill Jewison is innocent of manslaughter. He's my client and I will be trying the case next week in …