Why can't I beat a woman bloody and be able to walk away from it with a clear conscience without coming down with a case of the drip the following morning?

Is there anything worse than a woman with a kid?

AND WHY AM I SHOUTING, by the way? I'LL TELL YOU WHY, IT'S BECAUSE IT'S THE NEXT BEST THING TO HAVING A SHOW!

My mother won't have sex with me.