More from Rodney Dangerfield

  1. You know my Doctor, Doctor Vinny BoomBots... I called and told him I had a bad case of diarrhea. - He put me on hold!
  2. A girl called me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
  3. A hooker told me 'Not on the first date.'
  4. Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.
  5. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
  6. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
  7. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  8. I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.

All Rodney Dangerfield quotes