More from Stephen Colbert

  1. While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.
  2. I teach Sunday School, motherf****r.
  3. Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be…
  4. It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
  5. We worked very hard to keep him from being a jerk by keeping in mind he's well intentioned. Just poorly informed. He wants to do the right …
  6. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
  7. Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laug…
  8. Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from t…

All Stephen Colbert quotes