More from Steven Wright

  1. Next week I'm going to have an MRI to find out if I have claustrophobia.
  2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  3. My uncle was a clown for Ringling Bros. Circus, and when he died, all his friends came in one car.
  4. One day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
  5. My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.
  6. One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, 'Didn't you see the stop sign?' I said, 'Yeah, but I don't believe everythi…
  7. My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my he…
  8. One time I woke up in the middle of the night and I was hungry. I went to the convenience store and noticed it was closed. The sign said 'O…

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