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Steven Wright
Quote #140
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my apartment door with my car keys. So the building started up... So, I drove it arou…
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge.
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
The other day I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli.
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning...[picks up his glass of water from the stool]...I like to live on the edge...
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