What are you telling me, that you're, you're, you're gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.

It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.

You know a lot of geniuses, y'know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y'know, you could learn something.

Since the scenes where they're together are so much less convincing than the ones where they fall apart, watching the movie is like being on a double-date from…

She behaves with all the sensitivity of a sex-starved boa constrictor

You may tell a man thou art a fiend, but not your nose wants blowing; to him alone who can bear a thing of that kind, you may tell all.