17 Woody Allen Quotes on Relationships

Woody Allen quotes on relationships

1. Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

5. Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

31. Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.

35. Countess: You are a great lover! Boris: I practice a lot when I'm alone.

58. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's 'Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious', and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, 'I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.' That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.

59. I thought of that old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' and the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

62. I think that people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.

64. She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.

67. What are you telling me, that you're, you're, you're gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?

76. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

80. I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.

95. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

106. To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

111. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

123. I prefer masturbation. You meet a better class of people that way.

132. Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

138. Sex is only dirty if it's done right.