Quote #13

The only logical, sort of scientific way to figure this out is: you've got to put the bible down on a coffee table, and then you have to put a pair of soiled panties down on the same coffee table on the other side, adjacent to the bible. Then you take your vibrator (or dildo) and you spin it around. Now, God will control the outcome of this experiment. If there is a God, he will make sure that the dildo points towards the bible, in which case you must stop masturbating, and simply destroy the dildo. This is just good science.

More from Adam Carolla

  1. I question not only those who are getting their penis pierced, but also those who are doing the piercing. I mean, this is what you're doing…
  2. When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Su…
  3. Here's the problem with TV. All people on TV are TV people, and TV people are dumber than the dumbest guys you went to high school with, th…
  4. Good friendship is like an outdoor cat. Just hangin' out. It can take care of itself. It can be gone for a couple of days, it'll come back,…
  5. I can understand stupid guys not understanding politics, but the penis? That is just a base piece of knowledge that every man should have. …
  6. I believe that at least 65-80% of auto glass breakage is caused from domestic disputes. Your car is like a piece of you that you leave out …
  7. When I'm at the porn store--I'm not there all the time, maybe about five hours a day--I'm walking through the sections, making my way, maki…
  8. The only chance we have for survival, as a country and as a planet, is if idiots stop having kids. Listen: either don't screw up your kids,…

All Adam Carolla quotes