I have decided to move from the planet. I'm sorry but I simply cannot remain on a world where Paris Hilton is allowed to publish 'memoirs.' (Sunday, September 05, 2004)

I didn't think they airbrushed anything that much any more! (in Cincinnati, on 3/3/07, re: Rachel Ray on a box of Triscuits)

I recently discovered that someone has taken out email accounts with addresses containing my name. ...If caught (and of course they won't be) but, if caught I …

on starting to shoot Good Eats in HDTV format: But, although our look may have gotten expensive, I assure you our props, sets, costumes, actors, and general me…

Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it's an actual event. I don't give a shit! If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I'd ha…

These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis... These self-ob…

'All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire.'