More from Artemus Ward

  1. The fack can't be no longer disgised that a Krysis is onto us.
  2. The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste.
  3. My pollertics, like my religion, being of an exceedin' accommodatin' character.
  4. I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
  5. ...their eyes sparkled like diminds, their cheeks was like roses, and they was charmin enuff to make a man throw stuns at his granmother, i…
  6. My wife is one of the best wimin on this Continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb with mint sauce.
  7. I now bid you a welcome adoo.
  8. The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don't die at all - he sort …

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