It's not cheesy, because I wrote it.

Fuck-all. It's just a little town where everybody knows everybody and everybody's business, and there's nothing to do except get drunk.

OK. This 3-year-old kid is home alone, and a salesman comes to the door. The kid answers, and he's got a porno in one hand, a cigar in one hand and a bottle of…

I've been known to run around naked when I'm trashed. So maybe indecent exposure. Actually, I'd probably be arrested for disturbing the peace. One time I was d…