I can't watch TV longer than 5 minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

I don't understand anything, so there you go : you know what my problem is? I watch too much news, man. That's my problem, that's why I'm so depressed all the …

How much do you smoke, sir? A pack a week? Why don't you just put on a dress and swish around : I go through two lighters a day.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

So I bought a .44 magnum it was solid steel cast And in the blessed name of Elvis well I just let it blast 'Til my TV lay in pieces there at my feet And they b…

'You goin' to hell, boy!' Yeah well, at least that's where all the good music's gonna be. Hey, just 'cause I'm up on the stage with the lights on me doesn't me…

When television is good, nothing--not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers--nothing is better. But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite y…