'You goin' to hell, boy!' Yeah well, at least that's where all the good music's gonna be. Hey, just 'cause I'm up on the stage with the lights on me doesn't mean you all have to stare [audience laughs, then one person applauds]. Thank you, my seal. Later on : me and Barney the seal will be doing a little balancing act. He'll be balancing me over a bed of razorblades! Yeeaaah! It's not quite American Gladiators, but we're here to try! Man, American Gladiators. I tell you, the world's gonna end with someone watching that on the TV, man. That's mankind's ultimate fucking evolutionary achievement, isn't it? These pituary retards rassling each other : in Vegas!

Have you seen what they're doing to movies now? They show the movie to a test audience, then change it depending on whether these 200 random yahoos liked it or…

I have this feeling man, 'cause you know, it's just a handful of people who run everything, you know : that's true, it's provable. It's not : I'm not a fucking…

So, thanks for coming out, I guess. Yeah, it's good to see people, you know. The newsman is so horrifying you get the impression you're just going to walk out …

This is The Tonight Show. I can't tell you too much about it, other than the fact that this program is going to go on forever.

Penny Smith: Spitting... it would never happen on GMTV. Simon Amstell: Nothing happens on GMTV.

This series is more campaigning. It is more journalistic, but still hugely entertaining. It's a show we feel more proud of than anything we've done to date.