8 Bill Hicks Quotes on Evolution

Bill Hicks quotes on evolution

4. 'You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. 'I believe God created me in one day.' Yeah, it looks like he rushed it.'

11. 'God put [dinosaur fossils] here to test our faith!'... I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. :[On dinosaur fossils and their relationship to creationism]

13. You ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?

18. I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. Okay, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. [starts blinking]

28. In many parts of our troubled world, people are yelling 'Revolution!'. In Tennessee they're yelling 'Evolution! We want our thumbs!'

45. Are there actually women in the world who do not like to give blow jobs? See a lot of guys on dates got their fingers crossed here tonight : 'Answer him, honey, go ahead. Let's hear how you feel about this right now.' A woman one night yelled out, 'Yeah, you ever try it?' I said, 'Yeah. Almost broke my back.' It's that one vertebrae, I swear to God, it's that close. I think that vertebrae is going to be the thing to go in our next evolutionary step. Just a theory...and a fervent prayer! Yeah, now all the guys are going, 'Honey, I have no idea what he's talking about. I think he's a devil-child.' That may be true, but guys : yyyou know what I'm talking about. I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now : watching an empty stage. Boy, my folks are proud of me! 'Bill, honey, you still doing that suck your own cock bit?' 'Yeah, mom.' 'Good, baby, that's such a crowd-pleaser. How clever of you to come up with the suck your own cock bit, honey. You're so clever, it makes your mama's bosom swell with pride. Knowing her son is travelling the world, using his given surname, going up in front of rooms of total strangers and doing the suck your own cock piece!' 'Thanks, mom.' 'No biggie.'

69. Folks: It's time to evolve ideas. You know, evolution didn't end with us growing thumbs. You do know that, right? Didn't end there. We're at the point, now, where we're going to have to evolve ideas. The reason the world is so fucked up is we're undergoing evolution. And the reason our institutions, our traditional religions, are all crumbling, is because : they're no longer relevant. They're no longer relevant. So it's time for us to create a new philosophy and perhaps even a new religion, you see. And that's okay 'cause that's our right, 'cause we are free children of God with minds who can imagine anything, and that's kind of our role.

118. 'You goin' to hell, boy!' Yeah well, at least that's where all the good music's gonna be. Hey, just 'cause I'm up on the stage with the lights on me doesn't mean you all have to stare [audience laughs, then one person applauds]. Thank you, my seal. Later on : me and Barney the seal will be doing a little balancing act. He'll be balancing me over a bed of razorblades! Yeeaaah! It's not quite American Gladiators, but we're here to try! Man, American Gladiators. I tell you, the world's gonna end with someone watching that on the TV, man. That's mankind's ultimate fucking evolutionary achievement, isn't it? These pituary retards rassling each other : in Vegas!