10 Bill Hicks Quotes on Health

Bill Hicks quotes on health

32. Non-smokers die every day. Sleep tight!

33. See, I know you entertain some kind of eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke; let me be the first to pop that fucking bubble and send you hurtling back to reality - because you're dead too. And you know what doctors say: 'Shit, if only you'd smoked, we'd have the technology to help you. It's you people dying from nothing who are screwed.'

35. To my delight, I find that there is a different warning on each pack of cigarettes. Mine says: 'Warning: Smoking can cause fetal damage or premature birth.' Fuck it - I've found my brand! 'Yeah, give me a carton of Low Birth Weights.' Just don't get the ones that say lung cancer, you know? Shop around, find a disease you can live with. 'What are you smoking, Dave?' 'Throat Polyps. Want one?' 'No thanks, I'll stick with my Yellow Fingernails.'

55. 'I'm a non-smoker. I'm pro-life. I'm a pro-life non-smoker.' Let the party begin.

65. Yeah, you really got my act down good, guys. That'll be great. You know, when I'm done ranting about the elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink.

78. Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. The plot thickens. You remember Jim Fixx? This human cipher used to write books on jogging. Now, what do you fuckin' write about jogging? 'Right foot, left foot, faster, faster, oh hell, I dunno, go home, shower.' Pretty much covers the jogging experience, I do believe. Then this doofus goes out and has a heart attack and dies.... while jogging. There is a God. 'Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.

83. How much do you smoke, sir? Two packs a day, is that right? Pussy. I go through two lighters a day. That's right, two lighters! You're a health nut compared to me. You're like the Jack LaLanne of smokers compared to me.

86. Tell you, the worst kind of non-smokers' the kind where you're smoking and they just walk up to you : [starts coughing in the naggy-I-want-you-to-stop kinda' cough] I always say, 'Shit, you're lucky you don't smoke. That's some cough you got there, dude. I'm smoking, you're coughing. Wow.' That's kind of cruel, man, going up to a smoker and coughing. Shit! Do you go up to crippled people dancing too, you fucks? 'Hey, Mr. Wheelchair. What's your problem? Come on ironside, race ya!'

90. I was on the airplane coming over here. It's a non-smoking plane - get this, right? No smoking, but they allow children. Hmmm. 'Well, smoking bothers me.' Well, guess what :?

106. I used to drink, I did. I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing in their lights thinking I'd made it to the next club.