Tell you, the worst kind of non-smokers' the kind where you're smoking and they just walk up to you : [starts coughing in the naggy-I-want-you-to-stop kinda' cough] I always say, 'Shit, you're lucky you don't smoke. That's some cough you got there, dude. I'm smoking, you're coughing. Wow.' That's kind of cruel, man, going up to a smoker and coughing. Shit! Do you go up to crippled people dancing too, you fucks? 'Hey, Mr. Wheelchair. What's your problem? Come on ironside, race ya!'

'People who hate people - come together!' 'No!'

I have been a comedian for a long time, so forgive me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.

The only reason I don't quit smoking is because I fear that if I did, I'd become one of you.

'I'm a non-smoker. I'm pro-life. I'm a pro-life non-smoker.' Let the party begin.

How much do you smoke, sir? A pack a week? Why don't you just put on a dress and swish around : I go through two lighters a day.

It's done a lot of players a lot of good. And obviously, this drug is a drug where it's dose-related. Anything in overdose will destroy your liver. I mean, loo…