22 Bill Hicks Quotes on Politics

Bill Hicks quotes on politics

8. I'm so sick of arming the world and then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, you know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheep herder's feet: 'Pick it up.' 'I don't wanna pick it up mister, you'll shoot me.' 'Pick up the gun.' 'Mister, I don't want no trouble, huh. I just came down town here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about 10 rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, mister.' 'Pick up the gun.' Boom, boom. 'You all saw him. He had a gun.'

16. The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney; it's so obviously phoney, okay? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get to suspend our rights one by one.

25. Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!

28. In many parts of our troubled world, people are yelling 'Revolution!'. In Tennessee they're yelling 'Evolution! We want our thumbs!'

52. What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion? You know, I feel like I'm losing some of you here, and I want to win all of you back with this one. Let's talk about abortion. Let's talk about child killing and see if we can't get some chuckles rippling through the room here. Let's talk about mass murder of young, unborn children and see if we can't coalesce into one big, healthy gut laugh. Ha ha ha ha! Boy, I've never seen an issue so divisive. It's like a civil war, isn't it? Even amongst my friends, who are all very intelligent; they're totally divided on abortion. It's unbelievable. Some of my friends, for instance, think these pro-life people are annoying idiots. Other of my friends think these pro-life people : are evil fucks. How are we going to come to a consensus? You ought to hear the arguments around my house: 'They're annoying, they're idiots.' 'They're evil, they're fucks!' Brothers, sisters, come together! Can't we once just join hands and think of them as evil-annoying-idiot-fucks? I beseech you. But that's me :

54. 'If you're so pro-life, don't lock arms and block medical clinics, lock arms and block cemeteries. Let's see how committed you are to this premise.'

55. 'I'm a non-smoker. I'm pro-life. I'm a pro-life non-smoker.' Let the party begin.

59. I hate patriotism. I can't stand it, man - makes me fuckin' sick. It's a round world last time I checked.

60. Here's how I feel about gays in the military: Anyone : dumb enough : to want to be in the military : should be allowed in. End of fucking story. That should be the only requirement. I don't care how many push-ups you can do - put on a helmet, go wait in that fox hole. We'll tell you when we need you to kill somebody. I've been watching all these Congressional hearings and all these military guys and all the pundits going, 'The esprit de corps will be affected, and we are such a moral :' Excuse me, but aren't you all a bunch of fucking hired killers? Shut up! You are thugs, and when we need you to go blow the fuck out of a nation of little brown people, we'll let you know. Until then :

61. And don't tell me this is the military that protects our freedom - hey, ladies and gentlemen, there ain't no one out there who's a fucking threat to us. They don't exist. Oh - I'm talking now only of countries we don't arm first. All right, if you want to split hairs, you got a point. 'Bill, what about the nations we sell arms to and then blow the fuck out of?' Okay, they might be scary for about a day!

63. I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!' 'Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. By the way, keep drinking beer, you fucking morons.'

65. Yeah, you really got my act down good, guys. That'll be great. You know, when I'm done ranting about the elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink.

66. Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him? Can't you see his fat body in a tub while Reagan, Quayle and Bush just : [pee noise] Just standing around pissing on him, and his piggly-wiggly dick can't get hard. So they call in Barbara Bush :

68. You know that when Jesse Helms finally dies, he's gonna commit suicide out back in a washtub underneath a pecan tree. He's gonna slash his wrists and he's gonna write in blood, 'I've been a bad boy.' And you know they're gonna find the skins of young kids drying in his attic, swarms of horseflies going in and out of the eaves, and on CNN over and over, his wife going, 'I always wondered about Jesse's collection of little shoes :'

73. I thought the whole thing [Waco] was an absolute disaster and a debacle. And if any of you had been watching public access and seen the footage which was not shown on any major news media source... of the tanks, Bradley tanks shooting fire into the compound. Which I think went against the party line story, which was that they shot tear gas in order to help the mothers and the children to get out to convince 'em, while they're destroying the compound, they're getting mom and children out, you see. The soft sell is definitely the FBI's way. And anyway, so the major news said that the Branch Davidians started the fire, if I'm not mistaken. Correct me when I go off the story here.... All they did was shoot in tear gas? And yet I've seen with my own eyes, and my squeegeed third eye, footage of a Bradley tank shooting fire into the compound, which... isn't that odd that no major news source has picked up on that? You think that's newsworthy? 'Cause that basically means that the government, from the FBI, the ATF, up to Janet Reno, including Clinton, are um... liars and murderers. Hahahahaha. And, wait there's more. I mean the implications are vast. You know, if the ATF and FBI had any honour, if there was any honour left or dignity on this planet, they would commit Hari-Kari, while first admitting what they've done, and they'd kill themselves. Because they are liars and murderers. 'Oh we had to bust the compound down cos we heard child molestation was going on.' Yeah, if that's true, how come we don't see Bradley tanks knocking down Catholic churches? I'm talking if child molestation is actually your concern. 'Well there was a methamphetamine lab on the...' No there wasn't. And not one child came out of there saying they were molested. Not one child. They don't want the voice of reason spoken, folks, 'cause otherwise we'd be free. Otherwise, we wouldn't believe their fucking horseshit lies, nor the fucking propaganda machine of the mainstream media and buy their horseshit products that we don't fucking need and become a third world consumer fucking plantation which is what we're becoming. Fuck them! They are liars and murderers. All governments are liars and murderers, and I am now Jesus, and this is MY compound.

74. And I knew Bill Clinton became one of the boys when he bombed Iraq. Remember that? It was just a little news story for two days, isn't that interesting? He launched 22 cruise missiles against Baghdad in retaliation for the alleged assassination attempt against George Bush, which failed. We killed six innocent people, launching twenty two, I think three million dollars-a-piece missiles on Baghdad, killing six innocent people. Umm : I think that's a little bit overdoing it if you ask me. What we should have done is embarrass the Iraqis. And here's how we should have done it: We should have assassinated Bush ourselves. 'There, that's how you do it, towel heads. Don't fuck with us.' And see, if it had been Bush who had died, there would have been no loss of innocent life.

82. All governments are lying cocksuckers.

94. Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?

95. I just cannot believe in a war against drugs when they've got anti-drug commercials on TV all day long, followed by, 'This Bud's for you'.

96. People say, 'Bill, quit talking about Kennedy, man. It was a long time ago. Just let it go, all right? It's a long time ago, just forget it.' I'm like, 'All right, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here :'

114. Actually, I'm against drugs being legalized, and this is why. Last weekend, my friend and I went into a farm, took some mushrooms, and we sat on a field. I looked up into the sky and saw God. He told me that there is nothing to fear, that he loves every single creature on this planet, and he showered gifts of forgiveness and love onto the Earth, and I realized that there was nothing to fear, and I loved everything : Now, if that isn't a bad thing for this country, I don't know what is. How can we continue to make weapons if we love everything?

119. I have this feeling man, 'cause you know, it's just a handful of people who run everything, you know : that's true, it's provable. It's not : I'm not a fucking conspiracy nut, it's provable. A handful, a very small elite, run and own these corporations, which include the mainstream media. I have this feeling that whoever is elected president, like Clinton was, no matter what you promise on the campaign trail - blah, blah, blah - when you win, you go into this smoke-filled room with the twelve industrialist capitalist scum-fucks who got you in there. And you're in this smoky room, and this little film screen comes down : and a big guy with a cigar goes, 'Roll the film.' And it's a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you've never seen before : that looks suspiciously like it's from the grassy knoll. And then the screen goes up and the lights come up, and they go to the new president, 'Any questions?' 'Er, just what my agenda is.' 'First we bomb Baghdad.' 'You got it :'