But I'll tell you this. Where's this idea that childbirth is a miracle come from? I missed that fucking meeting, okay. 'It's a miracle. Childbirth is a miracle.' No, it's not. No more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out of your ass, all right. It's a chemical reaction, that's all it fucking is. You wanna know what a miracle is? Raising a kid that doesn't talk in a movie theatre. Okay, there. There is a goddamn miracle. Not a miracle if every nine months any yin yang in the world can drop a litter of these mewling cabbages on our planet. And just in case you haven't seen the single mom statistics lately, the miracle is spreading like wild-fire. 'Hallelujah!' Trailer parks and council flats all over the world, just filling up with little miracles. THUNK, THUNK, THUNK - like frogs laying eggs - THUNK. 'Look at all my little miracles' - THUNK - 'filling up my trailer like a sardine can.' THUNK. 'You know what would be a real miracle? If I could remember your daddy's name.' THUNK. 'I guess I'll have to call you Lorry Driver Junior.' THUNK. 'That's all I remember about your daddy, was his fuzzy little pot-belly riding on top of me shooting his caffeine-ridden semen into my belly to produce my little water-headed miracle baby. Oh, there's your brother, Pizza Boy Delivery Junior.' 'Hallelujah!' Just hold on for a minute. Let's figure out this food/air deal, okay? Okay. I'm just weird, you know. How about have a neat world for kids to come to? Okay, it's me. Fuck it.

Society·Family·Biology·Nature