New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of those services that goes along with paying in. I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.

On the third day, when they still hadn't done anything, uh, Fidel Castro - this is not a joke! - stepped forward to offer aid. Fidel Castro had to call a news …

New Rule: Paula Abdul must go back on drugs. 'American Idol' will always have a place in my heart. It's where I met Clay. And what could be more exciting than …

I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out…