If a kid calls his grandma 'Mommy' and his mommy 'Pam', he's going to jail!

A man is basically as faithful as his options.

You don't need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. Man, we need to control the bullets, that's right. I think all bullets shou…

You know what they say, 'There's no reason to ever hit a woman.' Shit! There's a reason to hit everybody. You just don't do it. Shit, there's a reason to kick …

'Great-grandfather died under strange circumstances. He opened a vein in his bath.' 'I never knew baths had veins,' protested Gabrilowitsch.' 'I never knew his…

About a year ago, my girlfriend was on the pill, wearing a diaphragm, and an IUD all at once. Recently, she had a baby; baby was born wearing armor.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.