Madonna: 'You're not funny anymore, you're just a suck-up to all the guests.' Letterman: 'I can suspend that behavior tonight, if you like.'

Letterman, during the next show's monologue: 'Do you know what I've realized? I think Madonna likes to shock people.'

I don't think there's a man, woman or child alive who doesn't enjoy a lovely beverage.

Letterman: 'Oh, stop it! Will you stop? Ladies and gentlemen, turn down your volume. Turn down the volume immediately! She can't be stopped! There's something …

He had the kind of handshake that ought never to be used except as a tourniquet.

If a dog starts biting you, you can't kick it up the throat like it deserves. People always say 'Oh dear, poor little dog, he was only trying to be friendly. T…

Sophistication might be described as the ability to cope gracefully with a situation involving the presence of a formidable menace to one's poise and prestige …