And we're going 'Oh, Captain Clever! Whoahoho! Rattle it and if it doesn't go off, it can't be a bomb!'

She said, 'Spell 'ant'', and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, 'That doesn't spell 'ant'', and I said, 'It's in there somewhere! There's the 'A', ther…

But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go dow…

Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a : she's just a : she's dead, isn't she?

'You would now be an enemy, in the third class, of my own organization.' 'Only third class?' I asked in the indignant tones which Queen Victoria surely used wh…

Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.

I actually did that act one night in the south. Then, after the show, these three rednecks came up to me. 'Hey, buddy! We're Christians and we didn't like what…