Skip to content
quotesby

Yes, and the Crusades were, 'We kill you in the name of Jesus!' 'Wait, we have Jesus too! He's a prophet in our religion! We kill you in the name of Jesus!' 'Do you? Well, we kill you for your dark skin, for Jesus was a white man from Oxford!' 'No, he wasn't! He was from Judea! Dark-skinned man, such as we!' 'Look, it's just we've come all this way. Would you mind awfully if we hacked you to bits? Just for the press back home.'

Eddie Izzard#72

ReligionSatireWarHypocrisyPrejudice

About this quote

What does it mean?
The speaker satirizes religious conflict by showing how opposing sides twist facts to justify violence against each other.
In plain terms
People use religion to justify killing, even when they claim to follow the same figures.
What can you take from it?
Religious rhetoric is often manipulated to support violence.

Where it applies

  • historical analysis
  • political debates
  • conflict zones

Putting it to work

  • critique dogma
  • promote tolerance

Questions to consider

  • How do leaders justify war?
  • Can faith exist without conflict?

Another view

The humor darkens heavy historical tragedies which may be inappropriate for some contexts.

More from Eddie Izzard

  1. But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go dow…

    Permalink to quote #71
  2. Pope Pius XII was meant to go and castigate Hitler for being a [air quotes] 'Genocidal Fuckhead [pause; air quotes again] with bunny rabbit ears'. But he didn'…

    Permalink to quote #73
  3. And we're going 'Oh, Captain Clever! Whoahoho! Rattle it and if it doesn't go off, it can't be a bomb!'

    Permalink to quote #70

Related quotes

  1. [T]he Jewish people were driven by their drunkenness and plumpness to the ultimate evil; they kicked about, they failed to accept the yoke of Christ, nor did t…

    John ChrysostomJohn Chrysostom quote #1
  2. From all of us here, whichever religion you are, remember, only one can be right, so...let's have a war! Happy Christmas!

    Simon AmstellSimon Amstell quote #3
  3. They say that the AntiChrist will be born of a monk and a nun. If so, there must already be thousands of AntiChrists.

    Desiderius ErasmusDesiderius Erasmus quote #17