Quote #15

The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said, 'If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.'

More from Emo Philips

  1. People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
  2. Well, my brother says 'hello'! So, hooray for speech therapy.
  3. I ran three miles today... finally I said, 'Lady, take your purse.'
  4. Ambiguity - the Devil's volleyball.
  5. Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. Other than that, though, it's…
  6. I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
  7. You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!
  8. I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

All Emo Philips quotes