Canadian currency is also called the loonie. Now how can you take an economic crisis seriously? 'The loonie is down!' 'Oh how sad for you!'

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Michael (Jackson) is claiming racism, and I'm like 'brother, you gotta pick a race first!' What are you claiming, mistreatment of elves?

The professor was on acid, and sometimes, he'd shout, 'I'm Lincoln!' And then, there'd be a kid in the back, 'I'm Booth!'

The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said, 'If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lat…

An American credit card...is just as good in Europe as American gold used to be.

If our nation can issue a dollar bond, it can issue a dollar bill. The element that makes the bond good, makes the bill good also. The difference between the b…