9 Garrison Keillor Quotes on Humor

Garrison Keillor quotes on humor

3. There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

6. Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

10. That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

18. God writes a lot of comedy: the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

21. (on sweet corn and sex) I love sweet corn. It truly is better than sex! I'm not lying! All across the Midwest tonight, a husband and wife will finish what husbands and wives do, and the wife will ask the husband: 'How was that?' And, if the man is honest, he'll say 'Well, it wasn't sweet corn, but it was nice.' It's a fact! Sweet corn is better than sex!...fresh sweet corn!...Store bought sweet corn, yes, sex is definitely better than that!

24. Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

26. 'Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth-breather there is.'

28. One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.

33. The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.