I'd like to begin by saying fuck Lance Armstrong. Fuck him and his balls and his bicycles and his steroids and his yellow shirts and the dumb empty expression on his face. I'm tired of that asshole. And while you're at it, fuck Tiger Woods too! There's another jackoff I can do without. I'm tired of being told who to admire in this country. Aren't you? Aren't you sick of being told who your heroes ought to be? Being told who you outta look up too. I'll choose my own heroes, thank you very much. And fuck Dr. Phil too!

I'm not giving anything back to the community. You know why? Because I didn't take nothing. You can search my fucking house.

This conversation is bound to turn up. Two guys in a street meet each other, and one of them says, 'Hey, did you hear? Phil Davis died.' 'Phil Davis? I just sa…

Another word you don't hear too often is dingleberries. You know, you never hear it on Meet the Press. I think it's because dingleberries is one of those words…

Americans once expected parents to raise their children in accordance with the dominant cultural messages. Today they are expected to raise their children in o…

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales…

I have always been a friend to hero-worship; it is the only rational one, and has always been in use amongst civilized people.