6 George Carlin Quotes on Media

George Carlin quotes on media

57. I'd like to begin by saying fuck Lance Armstrong. Fuck him and his balls and his bicycles and his steroids and his yellow shirts and the dumb empty expression on his face. I'm tired of that asshole. And while you're at it, fuck Tiger Woods too! There's another jackoff I can do without. I'm tired of being told who to admire in this country. Aren't you? Aren't you sick of being told who your heroes ought to be? Being told who you outta look up too. I'll choose my own heroes, thank you very much. And fuck Dr. Phil too!

104. There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are 7 you can't say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 : to 7. They must really be baaad. They must be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. 'All of you words over here, you seven : baaad words'. That's what they told us, right? 'That's a bad word!!' Awww. No bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooords. You know the seven, don't you? That you can't say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits. Huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the words that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war. Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits, wow! And tits doesn't even belong on the list! It seems like such a friendly word. Sounds like a nickname. 'Hey Tits, come here man! Tits! Meet my friend Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots'. Sounds like a snack : oh yeah, it is. Right. But I don't mean your sexist snack, I mean new Nabisco Tits. Corn Tits n' Sesame Tits n' Cheese Tits : Tater Tits. Bet you can't eat just one!!

119. And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Pancake Institute, and it says 'Fuck waffles'.

130. Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it's an actual event. I don't give a shit! If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I'd have memorized it years ago. And I'd send him a card: 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday. Love, George.' But I don't. Why? I don't give a shit. Fuck Mickey Mouse! Fuck him in the asshole with a big rubber dick! And then break it off and beat him with the rest of it! I hope Mickey dies! I do - I hope he goddamn dies! I hope he gets a hold of some tainted cheese, and dies lonely and forgotten in the soiled baseport of a poor neighborhood, with his hand in Goofy's pants. No wonder no one takes this country seriously anymore - we waste valuable time informing our citizens of the age of an imaginary rodent!

163. I never watch Sesame Street. I already know most of that stuff.

185. Tonight's Forecast: dark, it will be mostly dark tonight, followed by widely scattered light in the morning.