George Carlin Quotes on Carlin
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Hansel and Gretel discovered the ginger bread house about 45 minutes after they discovered the mushrooms.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, 'I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandmother.' He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.
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Some of you might be familiar with some of my more famous tips from the past. How to get rid of counterfeit money? Put it in the collection plate at church!
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Here's another question I have. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No. You don't see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? When's the last chicken you heard about come home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn't happen, 'cause chickens are decent people.
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Catholic - which I was until I reached the age of reason.
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I don't have pet peeves, I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
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Somewhere in the world is the world's worst doctor. And what's truly terrifying is that someone has an appointment with him tomorrow morning.
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69 : 71, which is 69 with two fingers up your ass : 68, which is 'You do me an' I'll owe you one.' Women hear that one all the time!