When my wife has sex with me there's always a reason. The other night she used me to time an egg.

When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

When I tried to kiss my date goodnight she pushed me away. I said, 'Is there someone else?' She said, 'There must be.'

'Adam knew Eve his wife and she conceived.' It is a pity that this is still the only knowledge of their wives at which some men seem to arrive.

Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!