14 Jacob Cohen Quotes on Relationships

Jacob Cohen quotes on relationships

3. A girl called me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

4. A hooker told me 'Not on the first date.'

7. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

   Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

15. I said to the bartender 'Surprise me.' He pulled out a naked picture of my wife.

18. I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.

20. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

30. If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

38. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

41. My wife is ugly. She's so ugly that when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her picture.

46. When I tried to kiss my date goodnight she pushed me away. I said, 'Is there someone else?' She said, 'There must be.'

48. When my wife has sex with me there's always a reason. The other night she used me to time an egg.

50. With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me...

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

55. I don't play hard to get... I play hard to want!

56. I love three girls at once...if I fall asleep, they got each other to talk to.