Jacob Cohen Quotes on Relationships
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A girl called me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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A hooker told me 'Not on the first date.'
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I said to the bartender 'Surprise me.' He pulled out a naked picture of my wife.
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I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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My wife is ugly. She's so ugly that when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her picture.
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When I tried to kiss my date goodnight she pushed me away. I said, 'Is there someone else?' She said, 'There must be.'
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When my wife has sex with me there's always a reason. The other night she used me to time an egg.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me...
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I don't play hard to get... I play hard to want!
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I love three girls at once...if I fall asleep, they got each other to talk to.