Jacob Cohen Quotes on Family
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My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My father never liked me, he'd tell me to go out and play 'Hide and-go-fuck-yourself'.
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My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
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My uncle's dying wish: he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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The other night I told my kid 'Someday, you'll have children of your own.' He said 'So will you.'
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When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!
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You know the best part of having kids? ...making them.
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(Describing his son-in-law's family) The family's so ugly, in the photo album, they keep the negatives!