11 Jacob Cohen Quotes on Family

Jacob Cohen quotes on family

6. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.

8. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

   Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

11. I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

14. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

24. My father never liked me, he'd tell me to go out and play 'Hide and-go-fuck-yourself'.

35. My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

37. My uncle's dying wish: he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

44. The other night I told my kid 'Someday, you'll have children of your own.' He said 'So will you.'

47. When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!

53. You know the best part of having kids? ...making them.

61. (Describing his son-in-law's family) The family's so ugly, in the photo album, they keep the negatives!