Quote #8

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
  2. I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.
  3. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
  4. I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people.
  5. Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.
  6. I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
  7. A hooker told me 'Not on the first date.'
  8. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

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