Quote #35

My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. Life is just a bowl of pits.
  2. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
  3. Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?
  4. My uncle's dying wish: he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
  5. It's not easy being me. When I was born the doctor told my mother, 'I did all I could, but he pulled through anyway.'
  6. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  7. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm …
  8. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go…

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