Quote #37

My uncle's dying wish: he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
  2. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  3. My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
  4. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go…
  5. Life is just a bowl of pits.
  6. My wife isn't too smart. She has to reach inside her bra to count to two.
  7. Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?
  8. My wife is ugly. She's so ugly that when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her picture.

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