'Well, there are some important books that would help you immensely if you were going for a sociology degree, such as: The Archaeology of Knowledge by Michel Foucault, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism by Max Weber, Das Kapital by Karl Marx, The Division of Labor in Society by Emile Durkheim. However, these are very involved works and not as much fun as watching the grass grow or staring at a cow.'

'God, remember Tab cola? It was so nasty, possibly the worst soft drink ever, even worse than Crystal Pepsi. I'll always think of Tab as the beverage of choice…

'I hit on your girlfriend, I hit on Davey's wife, I gave your grandpa a sponge bath, I'm down for whatever!'

'Will you have sex with me? No? Rape it is, then!'

Does there, I wonder, exist a being who has read all, or approximately all, that the person of average culture is supposed to have read, and that not to have r…

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.