'How many pits are in a pear?' 'Aah, two.' 'You know damn well there are more than 2 pits in a pear'

'Mr Trebek is liable to go to a commercial break [and] punch your fuckin' mouth loose'

'You sound like you got a nice pair of them tits, those big floppy fuckin balogna tits.' (from 'Testing for Jeopardy')

'How do ya say there, bottlenose?' (from 'Hucklebuck')

You need to have the courage to say to your wife, get in there and make me some bean dip.

'It's broccoli, dear.' 'I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it.'

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.