My mom used to give me messages like this: 'Ummmmmmm... Scott called.... IS HE THE GAY??!!' 'Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay... that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer! ...I guess I'm the only one.' '

I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, 'Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?' And then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?

A Korean reporter once asked me, 'Do you think your Korean parents are ashamed because you talk about what you talk about on stage?' I said, 'I don't think the…

There was this really prim and proper British woman who used to run horse races for the lesbians on the ship, and the lesbians would get to name the horses, an…

'I am disappointed that my parents didn't give birth to a porn star.'

Adults must remember that they look like insane giants to children.

The Forsytes were resentful of something, not individually, but as a family; this resentment expressed itself in an added perfection of raiment, an exuberance …