Quote #55
I saw some two-dollar bills, today. They were for sale for eight dollars. Something went severely wrong there. What happened? It spun out of control. Now it's worth eight, still says 'two'.
More from Mitch Hedberg
- My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. 'Come on four billion! Fuck! Seven. Not even close. …
- One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were y…
- This shirt is 'dry-clean only'...which means it's dirty.
- If you boat a lot you are known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't ever want to be referred to as a boating enthusia…
- I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's …
- I play sports...no I don't, what the fuck?
- I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
- Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know because what if they don't have a hand? They…