Quote #6

I can't tell you what hotel I'm stayin' in, but I can say that there are two trees involved. They said, 'Let's call this hotel 'Something...Tree', so they had a meeting; it...it was quite short. 'How 'bout Tree?' 'No, Double Tree.' 'Hell yeah! Meeting adjourned!' I had my heart set on 'Quadruple Tree'... damnit, we were almost there!

More from Mitch Hedberg

  1. Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing…
  2. Is a hippopotamus really a hippopotomus or just a really cool opotamus?
  3. I got so much tartar, I don't got to dip my fishsticks in shit. (Realizing what he said) Actually that's kind of gross.
  4. I tried to walk into Target, but I missed.[1]
  5. (Talking about his drink) Look at all the limes in this god damn thing! This fuckin' thing is tropical! Look at the limes, how they float. …
  6. See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. 'Sir, you forgot this!' …
  7. Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck. An arrow killed you, they would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Le…
  8. Check this joke out: (Pointing to the back of the room as if to relay his post-show whereabouts.) If you wanna talk to me after the show I'…

All Mitch Hedberg quotes