I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah.

(to audience) I like the way this is situated here. It seems like you guys were chasing me, closing in, and then said 'fuck it...lets sit down'.

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

Some people think I'm high on stage; I would never get high before a show, because, when I'm high, I don't wanna stand in front of a bunch of people I don't kn…

Everything you want in life has a price connected to it. There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, a price to pay just for leaving things as th…

Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest.

If you follow a certain road for some time, it takes an enormous willpower to leave, although you might recognize that the road was not good. But in my case I …