More from Rodney Dangerfield

  1. Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?
  2. My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
  3. It's not easy being me. When I was born the doctor told my mother, 'I did all I could, but he pulled through anyway.'
  4. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
  5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm …
  6. My uncle's dying wish: he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
  7. If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
  8. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

All Rodney Dangerfield quotes