More from Rodney Dangerfield

  1. I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born.
  2. I love three girls at once...if I fall asleep, they got each other to talk to.
  3. You know the best part of having kids? ...making them.
  4. Don't worry honey, I didn't see a thing...you're perfect!
  5. Yeah, I know I'm ugly. I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
  6. You kiddin'? I know I'm ugly...last year at Halloween when I opened the door, kids gave me candy. Some little kid tried to pull my face off…
  7. With my wife, I've got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom so he can learn how to sit up and beg. I told him to watch my …
  8. Every time I get into an elevator, the operator says the same thing: 'Basement?'

All Rodney Dangerfield quotes